Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
smell my finger.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
