You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
