Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
