cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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