Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize