I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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