If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
