You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
