rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
