We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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