I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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