it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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