Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
