you would pick up someone in the library
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
