He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
