And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
