she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
