I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
