38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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