My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
