her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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