2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize