Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
