I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize