I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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