doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
