i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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