No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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