i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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