I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
