My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
