How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
