I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
