is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
