who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
