Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
