yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
