Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
i think i just lost a toe
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
