its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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