There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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