I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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