And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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