Screwed.edu
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
