3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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