Michael Bay diarrhea
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
