Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
