You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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