He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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