I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
