I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
