Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
