just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize