he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
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