i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Terrible idea I love it
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize