We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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