A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
