Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Randomize
