We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
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