just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
