Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
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