I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
