i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize