I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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