Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Randomize
