so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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