one word: firstdatebathroomanal
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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