You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
