I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
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