walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
