sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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