I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
