And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
