you guys were way drunker than both of me
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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