It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
