puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
