I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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