on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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