If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
So vagazzling was a success
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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