can u get pink eye on your cock?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
