Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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