If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
