He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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