Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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