She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
