like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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