I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
