There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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