we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
