I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
