everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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