Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
