So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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