I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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