i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
