She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You're a waste of cheezeits
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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